Random Ramblings

what NOT to say to me (or anyone else who is experiencing infertility)

2010-09-04T00:35:00.000-04:00

So here, in no particular order, are The Top Ten Things Not To Say To Someone Experiencing Infertility (with bonus pithy commentary):

(1) You need to relax!

The fact that rape victims can get pregnant puts this one to rest pretty quickly. I can't think of too many situations that are more stressful than that.

Of course, I was experiencing anxiety over this, but telling me that I need to relax sounds like you're blaming me. Infertility is a kind of illness, a malfunction of one of the body's systems, so please treat it that way. You wouldn't tell a cancer patient that she'll get well if she will "relax", would you?

(2) You should just adopt!

Adoption? Why, I've never heard of that! You say you can pay thousands and thousands of dollars, have every aspect of your life scrutinized, get put on a potentially years-long waiting list, and then possibly have the biological parent change her mind? Sign me up!

Seriously, though, this one really irks me. After two miscarriages and several years of infertility testing and treatment, we were tapped out physically, financially and emotionally.

It's not just some kind of checklist you go through

1.Try naturally: Check.
2.Go through testing: Check.
3.Clomid and timed intercourse: Check.
4.Injectables and IUI: Check.
5.IVF: Check.
6.Adoption: Check.
and only when you complete the checklist are you allowed to grieve your inability to have a child. No matter where you stop, you're still allowed to grieve.

After spending years trying to become pregnant, considering adoption is a complete switching of gears, and it's just not always possible to do that. Sometimes you just want it all to be over.

The fact that we didn't adopt doesn't mean that we really didn't want children enough. We decided to start a family for the same reasons most people do - we wanted to create a being that was a part of us. Is it selfish? Of course it is. So what? Most people don't have to think twice about it, though.

Anyway, it is not the responsibility of infertile couples to take in all the unwanted children of the world. I am in awe of those who have chosen this path, but my heart just wasn't in it. I don't think one should do it under those circumstances. That doesn't seem terribly fair to the child.

And I wonder if couples who already have one or two of their own biological children and are considering having another ever have this suggested in such a dismissive way. After all, if anyone should consider adoption, it should be those who have already been blessed, right?

Look, it's just a very personal decision, and it's not the "answer" to every couple's infertility problem,nor is it the solution to world hunger and poverty.

(3) You want kids? Please, take mine!

Oh, I get it. Raising kids is hard! Thanks, but I think I already knew this. And besides, I don't want your kids. They're funny looking and rude (I'm kidding - your children are adorable). Also, you don't really mean this. You're just trying to be cute, and you're not succeeding.

(4) There's probably a reason for it.

Like, maybe, my potential child was going to be the next Hitler or Manson? Something like that?

I do actually know the reason for one of my miscarriages. It was an abnormality resulting in a fetus with a genetic makeup that was "incompatible with life". (That's exactly the way it was phrased in the report. I find it kind of strangely poetic.) But, what was the reason behind that? It's simple: there is no reason for these things.

Would you ever tell a parent with a severely deformed child that there was a reason for it?

Sometimes bad stuff just happens, and that's that. At least that's the way I look at things. Please respect that.

(5) Oh, you're still young. It'll happen.

I'm not that young and how do you know it'll happen?

You are not clairvoyant. Don't give me false hope based on nothing more than your need to be "supportive".

(6) My cousin adopted a baby, and then one year later, boom, she was pregnant!

Well that's certainly a good reason to adopt, isn't it? I'm also pretty sure this doesn't always work. I can just hear the discussion now...

Joey: Mom and Dad, why did you adopt me?

Mom and Dad: Well, we really thought that, if we adopted a baby, then we'd get pregnant.

Joey: But I don't have a brother or a sister. So it didn't work, right?

Mom and Dad: No it didn't. But we've got you. And you're the next best thing!

(7) Have you tried accupuncture - meditation - standing on your head after sex, etc.?

Certainly not all at the same time! But, yes, believe me, we explored just about every avenue, be it based on medical science or on an old wives tale. We even went to a Chinese herbalist, who kept talking about "the house of the baby" (I assume he was referring to my uterus), and I spent two weeks drinking some sort of dark brown liquid twice a day that tasted like a combination of tree bark and liver. It made me want to throw up, which is the closest to pregant I got with it!

(8) I wish I had that problem!

So you're...what? Hyperfertile? There are things you can take for that, you know. Now please go away before your water breaks on my carpet.

(9) There are too many people in the world anyway.

Thank you Mr. Malthus! I fully realize this, and I promise that, if I'm lucky enough to have one, I'll immediately kill myself so it'll all even out.

Besides, you should be talking to the Duggar family. They live in Tontitown, Arkansas, and they probably have their own page in the phone book.

(10) I think that people who have infertility treatments are selfish.

I am actually torn on this one. I did think it was kind of selfish when I was going through it. Selfish for me - I'd never judge someone else for it. It was also incredibly expensive and mostly not covered by insurance. I know that medical resources are a finite commodity, so, yes, I was conflicted. I went as far as considering IVF, but took one look at the procedure and knew that I just couldn't go through with it.

But is it only the treatment that's selfish, or the desire for a child in the first place? Frankly, I thought they were both selfish (again, for me), but it seems like it's only the infertile person who is "lucky" enough to hear this one.

In situations like this, here's a good rule of thumb: Not every opinion that is in your head needs to be voiced.

____________________

I know that people want to help, they want to be encouraging, and they want to say something. I truly appreciate all of the people who listened, who cared, who prayed, and who felt some empathy with us. I don't believe that any of the inappropriate things people may have said were said with malice or out of spite. And believe me, I'm not perfect either, so I learned from my own "foot-in-mouth" experiences what not to say to other people going through this. The same principles can be applied to any other situation where someone is suffering and you want to say something. Acknowledge the pain, offer your support, and express your hope that things will get better.

If someone shares their infertility issues with you, I think the best thing to say is something like this, "I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's difficult, and I hope things work out for you. Let me know if there's anything I can do."

And if any of you now reading this are going through it, that is what I want to say to you.

wow--this is OLD

2010-09-04T00:25:00.002-04:00

so a friend of mine asked me if i would remove his name from a very old post, since his name was coming up in google. problem was, i couldn't remember how to log in to this blog! i mean, my last entry was 4 years ago!! reading it felt weird, and oddly current. Current, because i feel like nothing has really changed since the last time i wrote. I still work in the city. i still have no children. i still am married and nothing else is new.

how does one go about changing their life if everything around it is the same?

this is for alpha

2006-10-02T00:54:00.000-04:00

so alpha wants me to update this blog. so i am. i spend more time at myspace.com/bnakedlady though--feel free to visit there if you would like to.

http://www.kloggy.com/photo/bs01.gif

Revlon Run/Walk Fundraiser--Please help!

2006-04-27T23:02:00.000-04:00

On May 6th, I will be participating in the 9th Annual New York Revlon Run/Walk For Women in honor of my Aunt and for the memory of my mother in law. I am hoping to help the fight against women's cancers by raising money through pledges and donations.I would like to invite you to click on the link below to visit my personal page and make a donation. Your tax-deductible contribution will help fund important research into the causes of and cures for women's cancers. In addition, selected programs of excellence that promote prevention, education and support services will also benefit from funds raised through this event.Thank you for your support in the fight against women's cancers.The personal donation page for Kelli Maass can be found at https://www.revlonrunwalk.com/ny/secure/MyWebPage.cfm?pID=321729
Please visit my page and leave a donation!
Kelli

sorry for not writing

2006-01-27T16:48:00.000-05:00

geez, it's been awhile--not like anyone ever really reads this anyway! (hey, i have self-esteem issues--i gotta get down on myself sometimes!).

lately, i have been addicted to myspace--which is also why i haven't posted anything over here. and this post will mainly consist of an article that i copied from another place. it is about text messaging (something else i am addicted to).

my friend, Ed, went to Asia this past summer. he said i would have loved it (i have already been there, but not to the cities. i was in the rural areas of Vietnam teaching English when I was 19), EVERYONE there text messages!! this article explains why--among explaining some other stuff. Enjoy!

____________________________________________________________________

The Pleasures of the Text
By CHARLES McGRATH
Published: January 22, 2006

There used to be an ad on subway cars, next to the ones for bail bondsmen and hemorrhoid creams, that said: "if u cn rd ths u cn gt a gd job & mo pa." The ad was promoting a kind of stenography training that is now extinct, presumably. Who uses stenographers anymore? But the notion that there might be value in easily understood shorthand has proved to be prescient. If u cn rd these days, and, just as important, if your thumbs are nimble enough so that u cn als snd, you can conduct your entire emotional life just by transmitting and receiving messages on the screen of your cellphone. You can flirt there, arrange a date, break up and - in Malaysia at least - even get a divorce.

Shorthand contractions, along with letter-number homophones ("gr8" and "2moro," for example), emoticons (like the tiresome colon-and-parenthesis smiley face) and acronyms (like the ubiquitous "lol," for "laughing out loud"), constitute the language of text-messaging - or txt msg, to use the term that txt msgrs prefer. Text-messaging is a refinement of computer instant-messaging, which came into vogue five or six years ago. But because the typical cellphone screen can accommodate no more than 160 characters, and because the phone touchpad is far less versatile than the computer keyboard, text-messaging puts an even greater premium on concision. Here, for example, is a text-message version of "Paradise Lost" disseminated by some scholars in England: "Devl kikd outa hevn coz jelus of jesus&strts war. pd'off wiv god so corupts man (md by god) wiv apel. devl stays serpnt 4hole life&man ruind. Woe un2mnkind."

As such messages go, that one is fairly straightforward and unadorned. There is also an entire code book of acronyms and abbreviations, ranging from CWOT (complete waste of time) to DLTBBB (don't let the bedbugs bite). And emoticonography has progressed way beyond the smiley-face stage, and now includes hieroglyphics to indicate drooling, for example ( :-) . . . ), as well as secrecy ( :X), Hitler ( /.#( ) and the rose (@{rcub};-- ). Keep these in mind; we'll need them later.

As with any language, efficiency isn't everything. There's also the issue of style. Among inventive users, and younger ones especially, text-messaging has taken on many of the characteristics of hip-hop, with so much of which it conveniently overlaps - in the substitution of "z" for "s," for example, "a," for "er" and "d" for "th." Like hip-hop, text-messaging is what the scholars call "performative"; it's writing that aspires to the condition of speech. And sometimes when it makes abundant use of emoticons, it strives not for clarity so much as a kind of rebus-like cleverness, in which showing off is part of the point. A text-message version of "Paradise Lost" - or of the prologue, anyway - that tries for a little more shnizzle might go like this: "Sing hvnly mewz dat on d :X mtntp inspyrd dat shephrd hu 1st tot d chozn seed in d begnin hw d hvn n erth @{rcub};-- outa chaos."

Not that there is much call for Miltonic messaging these days. To use the scholarly jargon again, text-messaging is "lateral" rather than "penetrative," and the medium encourages blandness and even mindlessness. On the Internet there are several Web sites that function as virtual Hallmark stores and offer ready-made text messages of breathtaking banality. There are even ready-made Dear John letters, enabling you to dump someone without actually speaking to him or her. Far from being considered rude, in Britain this has proved to be a particularly popular way of ending a relationship - a little more thoughtful than leaving an e-mail message but not nearly as messy as breaking up in person - and it's also catching on over here.
Compared with the rest of the world, Americans are actually laggards when it comes to text-messaging. This is partly for technical reasons. Because we don't have a single, national phone company, there are several competing and incompatible wireless technologies in use, and at the same time actual voice calls are far cheaper here than in most places, so there is less incentive for texting. But in many developing countries, mobile-phone technology has so far outstripped land-line availability that cellphones are the preferred, and sometimes the only, means of communication, and text messages are cheaper than voice ones. The most avid text-messagers are clustered in Southeast Asia, particularly in Singapore and the Philippines.

There are also cultural reasons for the spread of text-messaging elsewhere. The Chinese language is particularly well-suited to the telephone keypad, because in Mandarin the names of the numbers are also close to the sounds of certain words; to say "I love you," for example, all you have to do is press 520. (For "drop dead," it's 748.) In China, moreover, many people believe that to leave voice mail is rude, and it's a loss of face to make a call to someone important and have it answered by an underling. Text messages preserve everyone's dignity by eliminating the human voice.

This may be the universal attraction of text-messaging, in fact: it's a kind of avoidance mechanism that preserves the feeling of communication - the immediacy - without, for the most part, the burden of actual intimacy or substance. The great majority of text messages are of the "Hey, how are you, whassup?" variety, and they're sent sometimes when messenger and recipient are within speaking distance of each other - across classrooms, say, or from one row of a stadium to another. They're little electronic waves and nods that, just like real waves and nods, aren't meant to do much more than establish a connection - or disconnection, as the case may be - without getting into specifics.

"We're all wired together" is the collective message, and we'll signal again in a couple of minutes, not to say anything, probably, but just to make sure the lines are still working. The most depressing thing about the communications revolution is that when at last we have succeeded in making it possible for anyone to reach anyone else anywhere and at any time, it turns out that we really don't have much we want to say.

2005-12-19T20:47:00.000-05:00

PLEASE watch this--it is the funniest thing i have seen in a long long time!

Lazy Sunday Rap

dang, myspace people are annoying

2005-12-09T20:09:00.000-05:00

i am gettin' tired of all these myspacers pestering me to get my account set up---so i am trying to make it happen. check out the progress:

Check me out!

this is freaky awesome!!

2005-12-09T12:00:00.000-05:00

You have GOT to check this out, people!!!

found this site courtesy of Nicole at

You entered: 11/1/1976
Your date of conception was on or about 9 February 1976 which was a Monday.

You were born on a Monday
under the astrological sign Scorpio.
Your Life path number is 8.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2443083.5.
The golden number for 1976 is 1.
The epact number for 1976 is -1.
The year 1976 was a leap year.

As of 12/9/2005 12:00:11 PM EST
You are 29 years old.
You are 349 months old.
You are 1,518 weeks old.
You are 10,630 days old.
You are 255,132 hours old.
You are 15,307,920 minutes old.
You are 918,475,211 seconds old.
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.16046966731898 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)

There are 327 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 30 candles

Those 30 candles produce 30 BTUs,
or 7,560 calories of heat (that's only 7.5600 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.43 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1976 there were approximately 3.1 million births in the US.
In 1976 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1976 in the US there were approximately 2,152,662 marriages (10.1%) and 1,036,000 divorces (4.9%)
In 1976 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)

Your birthstone is Citrine
The Mystical properties of Citrine

Citrine is said to help one connect with Spirit.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Yellow Topaz, Pearl, Diamond

Your birth tree is

Walnut Tree, the Passion
Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises.

There are 16 days till Christmas 2005!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing gibbous.

Give thanks

2005-11-24T12:57:00.000-05:00

Just some of the things i am thankful for this Thanksgiving day 2005

my beautiful and clean home
my imperfect, but oh so wonderful, husband
my true friends
my niece, Isabel, who can now say my name!!
my good health and the good health of my family
Johnny Bell home safe from Iraq
being blessed with a terrific extended family
dumb catch phrases with friends (Zatarans, Oh, Maary)
twisted teas
knowing my mother in law is in heaven watching out for us
my career--which i am happy at again
shopping at Woodbury Commons
the yummy tastes & smells of thanksgiving
the oust fan (that thing is awesome!)

i may add some more later.

To those that I know and love and to those that i don't know but still love:

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

writing and kids

2005-10-30T20:01:00.000-05:00

so, my bday is tuesday(SO obvious plug for presents, right?) and i got a journal from my husband's cousin for my bday. i am torn. i want so badly to write again, but once you are married, is there anything truly personal? i mean, i feel like if i write in a journal, i am keeping secrets--i don't think i am supposed to do that. But then i think, what if he sees what i write, can i really be honest with myself?

maybe i will have to learn how to write cryptic poetry or something? if anyone married can help me out with this, that would be awesome.

on a different note, we went out for halloween with 2 couple friends--that was the first time we really did anything like that as a married couple. There is something very cool about being out with couples. Jay and i always go out with friends; it is great to go out with other couples too. the thing is, most of our couple friends have kids. SO, it is nice to be able to be with some couples that have OTHER stuff to talk about--other than their kids. i mean, i can't wait for kids--but i am starting to think there is something to be said about not having one yet.

wish i could go there right now!!!

2005-10-17T13:17:00.000-04:00

You Belong in Rome

You're a big city girl with a small town heart

Which is why you're attracted to the romance of Rome

Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand

And gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better?

What City Do You Belong in? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Why i will vote NO on the New York City Teachers Contract

2005-10-14T16:18:00.000-04:00

I oppose this contract vehemently–as do MANY other teachers in my building and in this city. This contract doesn’t really hurt me, in fact it is pretty good for me. Yet , i will still VOTE NO!

1. I have been teaching for 7 years, since I have been 21. The 55/25 rule means nothing to me. I will be 46 when i have reached 25 years of service. Since there will never be a 46/25 rule-this is moot. And since this is not a guarenteed thing, who cares? I am also tenured and i do not worry about unfair letters in my file. My principal is fair.

2. I teach English in a Bronx high school. My 37 1/2 minutes will be spent grading papers, making phone calls, surfing the net, reading, whatever i want, really. Our kids just will not come to after school tutoring.

3. I used to live in the Bronx. My husband and i bought a BIG house over an hour away. We were willing to sacrifice (commuting time) for a house with property and lots of closets. He works for the District, his hours will not change. We drive in together anyway. Even with the extra time, I will still wait for him to finish his day.

4. We have no kids, so child care is not an issue.

See, the contract is okay for me. But this contract is NOT about just me. It is about 80,000 plus teachers. How DARE i vote yes on something that will hurt tens of thousands of teachers, just because it is good for me. I am just not that selfish. This is why i will vote no and encourage others to do so.

PLEASE VOTE NO AND PLEASE ENCOURAGE OTHER TEACHERS IN NEW YORK CITY TO VOTE NO!!!

NOT George Carlin, but still made me laugh

2005-10-07T20:35:00.000-04:00

Been sitting here with my ass in a wad, wanting to speak out about the bullshit going on in New Orleans. For the people of New Orleans... First we would like to say, Sorry for your loss. With that said, Lets go through a few hurricane rules: (Unlike an earthquake, we know it's coming)

#1. A manditory evacuation means just that... Get the hell out. Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said anything, I can see the arguement. They said get out... if you didn't, it's your fault, not theirs. (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car, you can get out.)

#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables. If you didn't do this, it's not the governments fault you're starving.

#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some. (Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them alone.)

#2b. If the local store is too looted of food or water, leave your neighbor's tv and stereo alone. (See # 2a) They worked hard to get their stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a manditory evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff... it's theirs, not yours.

#3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain no one is helping you. I'm not getting shot to help save some dumbass who didn't leave when told to do so.

#4. If you are in your house that is completely under water, your belongings are probably too far gone for anyone to want them. If someone does want them, Let them have them and hopefully they'll die in the filth. Just leave! (For Christ's sakes, it's New Orleans, find a voodoo warrior and put a curse on them)

#5. My tax money should not pay to rebuild a 2 million dollar house, a sports stadium or a floating casino. Also, my tax money shouldn't go to rebuild a city that is under sea level. You wouldn't build your house on quicksand would you? You want to live below sea-level, do your country some good and join the Navy.

#6. Regardless what the Poverty Pimps Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton want you to believe, The US Government didn't create the Hurricane as a way to erradicate the black people of New Orleans; (Neither did Russia as a way to destroy America). The US Government didn't cause global warming that caused the hurricane (We've been coming out of an ice age for over a million years).

#7. The government isn't responsible for giving you anything. This is the land of the free and the home of the brave, but you gotta work for what you want. McDonalds and Walmart are always hiring, get a damn job and stop spooning off the people who are actually working for a living. President Kennedy said it best... "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

Thank you for allowing me to rant.

Go see my blog bunny, poppy

2005-10-07T17:59:00.000-04:00

please go visit poppy, my blog bunny. She needs some blog love! If you click on her, she'll do cute stuff!!!

Thanks to bryna for showing me how to get an adorable blog pet for my very own!

Teachers got a contract that is a load of bullshit!

2005-10-04T12:56:00.000-04:00

Don't Believe The Spin On The NYC Teachers Contract
by Crimhead
Tue Oct 4th, 2005 at 07:10:25 PDT

United Federation of Teachers President Randi Weingarten and New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg agreed to a tentative teachers contract agreement yesterday. The contract agreement is horrific for NYC teachers.

Diaries ::
-->
Crimhead's diary :: ::

Weingarten has conceded 20 years of hard-won labor rights in one shot and has essentially sold her union membership down the river for her own political gain. Teachers have lost seniority rights and grievance rights, will teach an extra 37.5 minute class of "small group instruction" four times a week, will return to pottyroom and lunchroom duty (though if a conflict with a student arises, the teacher is always considered guilty before proven innocent), have agreed to merit pay, and will return to work before Labor Day for two extra days of Professional Development.

The contract offers teachers a "raise" of 14.25% over 52 months. When you crunch the numbers and take into account all of the extra work and concessions, the contract amounts to a 15% to 20% pay cut. New York City public school teachers will now be the most overworked teachers in the NYC metro area, and yet they will also remain the most underpaid. NYC school teachers continue to work in and NYC students continue to learn in terrible physical conditions (my school building is a hundred degrees in spring and fall when it is nice outside, 110 degrees in winter when the boiler heats the building up to Inferno-like temperatures) and NYC teachers continue to teach classes of 34 kids, the highest teacher/student ratio in the metro area.
Mayor Bloomberg and Randi Weingarten both agreed that this teachers contract will provide much needed reform to the NYC school system and benefit students greatly. They are both liars. If Randi Weingarten and Mayor Bloomberg wanted to greatly benefit NYC students, they would provide lower class sizes across all grades, healthier and cleaner learning environments, allow teachers to focus on their students and not function as a bandaid for the Mayor's budget problems, and pay a wage competitive with surrounding areas so that NYC teachers can afford to work AND live in New York City.

New York City teachers are not adverse to reform and change in the system. We are adverse to the Walmartization of education, which is what Mayor Bloomberg's education reforms have brought to NYC schools and what this new contract agreement will expedite.

New York City school teachers have less than two months to defeat this abomination of a contract agreement. Randi Weingarten is now in bed with Mayor Bloomberg and has agreed to sit out the NYC mayoral race. New York City school teachers must work to defeat Mayor Bloomberg this November no matter what the "official" stance of our union, we must work to defeat this contract come the middle of November and then we must work to defeat Randi Weingarten in the next UFT election.
VOTE NO on the UFT contract. VOTE NO on Mayor Bloomberg. VOTE NO on Randi Weingarten.

Let Randi Weingarten know you despise the contract agreement she has made with Mayor Bloomberg. Let her know how you feel about her selling NYC teachers down the river. Call her at (212) 777-7500 or email her at uftpres@uft.org.

I am beyond disgusted. We waited nearly three years for something that totally stinks. This deal is worse than the one we got three years ago. we are going backwards! there is no way in hell i will vote for this, no NYC teacher should.

An intelligent black man speaks the truth

2005-10-03T20:53:00.000-04:00

Moral poverty cost blacks in New Orleans
By Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson
Guest Commentary » September 30, 2005

Say a hurricane is about to destroy the city you live in. Two questions:

What would you do?
What would you do if you were black?

Sadly, the two questions don’t have the same answer.

To the first: Most of us would take our families out of that city quickly to protect them from danger. Then, able-bodied men would return to help others in need, as wives and others cared for children, elderly, infirm and the like.
For better or worse, Hurricane Katrina has told us the answer to the second question. If you’re black and a hurricane is about to destroy your city, then you’ll probably wait for the government to save you.

This was not always the case. Prior to 40 years ago, such a pathetic performance by the black community in a time of crisis would have been inconceivable. The first response would have come from black men. They would take care of their families, bring them to safety, and then help the rest of the community. Then local government would come in.

No longer. When 75 percent of New Orleans residents had left the city, it was primarily immoral, welfare-pampered blacks that stayed behind and waited for the government to bail them out. This, as we know, did not turn out good results.
Enter Jesse Jackson and Louis Farrakhan. Jackson and Farrakhan laid blame on “racist” President Bush. Farrakhan actually proposed the idea that the government blew up a levee so as to kill blacks and save whites. The two demanded massive governmental spending to rebuild New Orleans, above and beyond the federal government’s proposed $60 billion. Not only that, these two were positioning themselves as the gatekeepers to supervise the dispersion of funds. Perfect: Two of the most dishonest elite blacks in America, “overseeing” billions of dollars. I wonder where that money will end up.

Of course, if these two were really serious about laying blame on government, they should blame the local one. Responsibility to perform – legally and practically – fell first on the mayor of New Orleans. We are now all familiar with Mayor Ray Nagin – the black Democrat who likes to yell at President Bush for failing to do Nagin’s job. The facts, unfortunately, do not support Nagin’s wailing. As the Washington Times puts it, “recent reports show [Nagin] failed to follow through on his own city’s emergency-response plan, which acknowledged that thousands of the city’s poorest residents would have no way to evacuate the city.”

One wonders how there was “no way” for these people to evacuate the city. We have photographic evidence telling us otherwise. You’ve probably seen it by now – the photo showing 200 parked school buses, unused and underwater. How much planning does it require to put people on a bus and leave town, Mayor Nagin?

Instead of doing the obvious, Mayor Nagin (with no positive contribution from Democratic Gov. Kathleen Blanco, the other major leader vested with responsibility to address the hurricane disaster) loaded remaining New Orleans residents into the Superdome and the city’s convention center. We know how that plan turned out.
About five years ago, in a debate before the National Association of Black Journalists, I stated that if whites were to just leave the United States and let blacks run the country, they would turn America into a ghetto within 10 years. The audience, shall we say, disagreed with me strongly. Now I have to disagree with me. I gave blacks too much credit. It took a mere three days for blacks to turn the Superdome and the convention center into ghettos, rampant with theft, rape and murder.

President Bush is not to blame for the rampant immorality of blacks. Had New Orleans’ black community taken action, most would have been out of harm’s way. But most were too lazy, immoral and trifling to do anything productive for themselves.
All Americans must tell blacks this truth. It was blacks’ moral poverty – not their material poverty – that cost them dearly in New Orleans. Farrakhan, Jackson, and other race hustlers are to be repudiated – they will only perpetuate this problem by stirring up hatred and applauding moral corruption. New Orleans, to the extent it is to be rebuilt, should be remade into a dependency-free, morally strong city where corruption is opposed and success is applauded. Blacks are obligated to help themselves and not depend on the government to care for them. We are all obligated to tell them so.

The Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson is founder and president of BOND, the Brotherhood Organization of A New Destiny, and author of “Scam: How the Black Leadership Exploits Black America.”

article found here http://www.michaellwilliams.com/archive/display.php?id=421

YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE

2005-09-27T19:49:00.000-04:00

According to this website, i am an oversexed Nintento 64 who loves to poke crotches. Interesting how close to the truth that is....

http://http://www.auburn.edu/~shephcd/whatyouare.html

LOVE SONGS

2005-09-23T22:09:00.000-04:00

my best friend, bryna, is getting married in Aug 2006. I am her matron of honor (nothing on earth makes me happier either) and i love her so much!!! she has shared with me some of her ideas--one of which was songs! these are five songs that i feel embody love. What are yours?

1. Let's Stay Together--Al Green. This is my wedding song. The lyrics are my husband and i to a T.

2. This Guy's in Love With You--Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass. The man who plays this song for me... i would run away with him (yes, i am married, but i would still run away for a man who played me this) Seriously, as i was typing this and looking for the lyrics, i was crying. Tears are dripping on my keyboard. Listen to it sometime.

3. True companion--Marc Cohn--my friends julie and matt "stole" this for their wedding song. Nothing would be have been a better choice for them! Here is a song that will make you want to fall in love right now!!!

4. Crazy Love-Van Morrison--WOW. Such emotion!

5. If I Were A Carpenter--Bobby Darron--such a heartwrenching song--love all around :) Again, listen!

obviously there are other great love songs--i just want to know what you guys think!!!!

and what kind o' pirate be you?"

2005-09-19T20:12:00.000-04:00

You are ...The Cap'n

Profile: Some men and women are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any scallawag who stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man - or woman - you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. You are Charlie's Angels without so much "Charlie" and decidedly light on the "Angel." Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone - Man, Woman or Individual of Transgender or indecipherable Sexual Identification - to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

Check this site out to find what your pirate personality will be!

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/ppi.html

2005-09-19T19:49:00.000-04:00

YARRRH, talk like a pirate or i shall make ye walk the plank into Davy Jones' Locker!!

secrets

2005-09-14T20:00:00.000-04:00

i found this website www.postsecret.com. it is an incredible site to look at--i just wish there was more. it is people sending in their darkest secrets anonousmsly (i cant spell that word). it makes me feel good and bad at the same time--i wish there was more for me to read. i think that is the point of the site though--to remind us that everyone has something bad inside them.

confessions

2005-09-11T15:48:00.000-04:00

I confess:

I listen to controversial music. (well, it depends on if one might consider country controversial--it seems to be in NYC)

I open up to others easily (too easily though--i am too trusting sometimes)

I am keeping a secret from the world (who isn't?)

I watch the news (--more specifically Fox News--i just like it better)

I own something from Hot Topic (i love shopping there even though i am WAY too old to be doing so)

I love Disney movies--the older ones.

I don't kill bugs. (dead things totally freak me out)

I curse regularly. (but i don't like too, in fact i think sound stupid when i do)

I love junk mail, but i hate spam--weird, huh?

I would wear pajamas to school. (a lot of my students do; i am so jealous!! 'member Skids though? they were like Pj's, but not!)

I am self conscious. (pretty much every minute of every day.)

I loved Go Ask Alice.

I have cough drops when I'm not sick.

]I believe in ghosts. (i think?)

i'm not at all ticklish (in fact when people try to tickle me, it hurts more than anything else.)

I bite my nails (which is why i must have fake ones)

i LOVE playing video games. (i can spend hours and hours doing so.)

Gone out in public in your pajamas (i walk the dog that way and i have been knwon to drive or walk to the deli that way too. no bra either!)

Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.

Been to Niagara Falls.

Gotten the chicken pox (the summer of 8th grade. hottest week of the summer and i couldn't go anywhere. i was quarantined at camp)

Been to Vietnam

Been to Europe

Been to Canada and Mexico

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.

Stole something.

Had a crush on a teacher/coach. sure--my husband!!)

Slept with a co-worker. (my husband, again)

Been married. (see last two :)

Saw someone dying.

Driven over 400 miles in one day. (Easily--many times!)

Thrown up in a bar. (No, thank goodness.)

Met someone in person from the internet (not for anything weird, just friends)

my thoughts on katrina as voiced by ben stein

2005-09-11T14:07:00.000-04:00

i felt that this needed to be sent out--i agree with ben stein wholeheartdly.

God bless the people of the Gulf coast and our troops overseas.

Special ReportGet Off His Back (Updated)By Ben Stein Published 9/2/2005 11:59:59 PM
***UPDATED: Sunday, Sept. 4, 2005, 2:13 p.m.***A few truths, for those who have ears and eyes and care to know the truth:

1.) The hurricane that hit New Orleans and Mississippi and Alabama was an astonishing tragedy. The suffering and loss of life and peace of mind of the residents of those areas is acutely horrifying.

2.) George Bush did not cause the hurricane. Hurricanes have been happening for eons. George Bush did not create them or unleash this one.

3.) George Bush did not make this one worse than others. There have been far worse hurricanes than this before George Bush was born.

4.) There is no overwhelming evidence that global warming exists as a man-made phenomenon. There is no clear-cut evidence that global warming even exists. There is no clear evidence that if it does exist it makes hurricanes more powerful or makes them aim at cities with large numbers of poor people. If global warming is a real phenomenon, which it may well be, it started long before George Bush was inaugurated, and would not have been affected at all by the Kyoto treaty, considering that Kyoto does not cover the world's worst polluters -- China, India, and Brazil. In a word, George Bush had zero to do with causing this hurricane. To speculate otherwise is belief in sorcery.

5.) George Bush had nothing to do with the hurricane contingency plans for New Orleans. Those are drawn up by New Orleans and Louisiana. In any event, the plans were perfectly good: mandatory evacuation. It is in no way at all George Bush's fault that about 20 percent of New Orleans neglected to follow the plan. It is not his fault that many persons in New Orleans were too confused to realize how dangerous the hurricane would be. They were certainly warned. It's not George Bush's fault that there were sick people and old people and people without cars in New Orleans. His job description does not include making sure every adult in America has a car, is in good health, has good sense, and is mobile.

6.) George Bush did not cause gangsters to shoot at rescue helicopters taking people from rooftops, did not make gang bangers rape young girls in the Superdome, did not make looters steal hundreds of weapons, in short make New Orleans into a living hell.

7.) George Bush is the least racist President in mind and soul there has ever been and this is shown in his appointments over and over. To say otherwise is scandalously untrue.

8.) George Bush is rushing every bit of help he can to New Orleans and Mississippi and Alabama as soon as he can. He is not a magician. It takes time to organize huge convoys of food and now they are starting to arrive. That they get in at all considering the lawlessness of the city is a miracle of bravery and organization.

9.) There is not the slightest evidence at all that the war in Iraq has diminished the response of the government to the emergency. To say otherwise is pure slander.

10.) If the energy the news media puts into blaming Bush for an Act of God worsened by stupendous incompetence by the New Orleans city authorities and the malevolence of the criminals of the city were directed to helping the morale of the nation, we would all be a lot better off.

11.) New Orleans is a great city with many great people. It will recover and be greater than ever. Sticking pins into an effigy of George Bush that does not resemble him in the slightest will not speed the process by one day.

12.) The entire episode is a dramatic lesson in the breathtaking callousness of government officials at the ground level. Imagine if Hillary Clinton had gotten her way and they were in charge of your health care.God bless all of those dear people who are suffering so much, and God bless those helping them, starting with George Bush.

****UPDATE: Sunday, Sept. 4, 2005, 2:13 p.m.:More Mysteries of Katrina:

Why is it that the snipers who shot at emergency rescuers trying to save people in hospitals and shelters are never mentioned except in passing, and Mr. Bush, who is turning over heaven and earth to rescue the victims of the storm, is endlessly vilified?

What church does Rev. Al Sharpton belong to that believes in passing blame and singling out people by race for opprobrium and hate?

What special abilities does the media have for deciding how much blame goes to the federal government as opposed to the city government of New Orleans for the aftereffects of Katrina?If able-bodied people refuse to obey a mandatory evacuation order for a city, have they not assumed the risk that ill effects will happen to them?

When the city government simply ignores its own sick and hospitalized and elderly people in its evacuation order, is Mr. Bush to blame for that?

Is there any problem in the world that is not Mr. Bush's fault, or have we reverted to a belief in a sort of witchcraft where we credit a mortal man with the ability to create terrifying storms and every other kind of ill wind?

Where did the idea come from that salvation comes from hatred and criticism and mockery instead of love and co-operation?

Written by Ben Stein
http://www.spectator.org/dsp_article.asp?art_id=8693

untitled (for obvious reasons--well obvious to me)

2005-08-31T21:55:00.000-04:00

Good Life

Francis Dunnery

Softly Now,

You owe it to the world

And everyone knows that you're my favourite girl

But there's some things in life that are not meant to be

I'm not meant for you and you're not meant for me

Here's to our problems

And here's to our fights

Here's to our achings

And here's to you having a

Good life

From Me

Good Life

Softer Now,

You owe it to yourself

And don't think that you will be left on the shelf

Cause there's someone for you

and there's someone for me

Like me you'll meet them eventually

Here's to your lover

And here's to my wife

Here's to your children

and here's to you having a

good life

From Me

Good Life

Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby Baby

Louder Now,

You've lost all your pain

You're married with children

and happy again

And now I'm regretting the move that I made

Fatal mistakes are so easily made

Enough of my problems

they only cause fights

Forget that I rang you

And promise you'll have such a

Beautifully happy and painlessly romantic

Good life

From Me

Good Life

the email EVERYONE gets!

2005-08-26T22:21:00.000-04:00

So, every once in awhile, we all get that chain email survey thing, right? so, why not just post it on my blog instead? this way if i get another one in the future, i can just cut and paste it from here :) I am so smart!

1. What is your occupation? High School English Teacher

2. What color is your underwear? at this moment, boring black ones.

3. What are you listening to right now? the crickets outside my window

4. What was the last thing you ate? a hot fudge sundae with Haggen Daaz Smores and Vanilla ice cream on top of a piece of Sara Lee pound cake. That sounds grosser than it actually was--it was quite yummy!

5. Do you wish on stars? if i see the first star of the evening and it is a bright one, yup!

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? fuzzy wuzzy brown

7. How is the weather right now? a clear night, probably high 60s?

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My very very good friend Suzanne.

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Caroline is a super lady, so that would be a YES!

10. How old are you today? 28

11. Favorite drink? non alcoholic--iced tea. Alcoholic--Orange vodka with cranberry juice

12. Favorite sport to watch? baseball--GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Yankees!

13. Have you ever dyed your hair? does sun-in count?

14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? both. my eyes SUCK!

15. Pets? 1 dog--Cassi. 4 fish: Alpha, Alex, Leroy and Lefty

16. Favorite month? April

17. Favorite food? seafood--snow crab legs especially!!!

18. What was the last movie you watched? The last partial movie--the first 20 minutes of Sin City--it was too weird for me, so i left. The last full movie was White Noise--i read through most of it, so does it sitll count?

19. Favorite day of the year? Christmas!

20. What do you do to vent anger? cry--that is pretty much what i do for every emotion though.

21. Fall or Spring? Spring--everything comes to life again. It smells good and the world looks pretty again.

22. Hugs or kisses? Hugs

23. Cherry or Blueberry? blueberry

24. Who do you live with? My husband and our pets.

25. When was the last time you cried? Last week on vacation, i was thinking of Marie and i missed her a lot, so i cried.

26. What is on the floor of your closet? lots and lots of shoes and bags.

27 Who is the friend you have had the longest and still see? Bryna

28. What did you do last night? watched part of Sin City, left to watch Family Guy. Goofed around with Jason, went to bed.

29. Favorite smell? Fresh cut grass

30. What inspires you? my life

31. What are you afraid of? CLOWNS! also, jumping off of things and roller coasters.

32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? i must add to this one--cheese and bacon with sauteed onions!

33. Favorite car? anything that isn't a Mazda Protege!

34. Favorite dog breed? Mutts!!!

35. Number of keys on your key ring? Three keys--1 for the car, 1 for the house, 1 for parents' house--plus one keychain--my Norwegian Mickey Mouse head from Epcot.

36. How many years at your current job? 6 going on 7--WHEW!!

37. Favorite day of the week? i like thursday--cause there is only one more day until the weekend, and i can always get through a Friday!!

38. How many states have you lived in? 2

39. How many cities have you lived in/name them? 4-- West Milford, NJ /Nyack, NY/Bronx, NY/Highland Mills, NY

40.Sex or food? (What a strange question to end this survey with!) i prefer combining both!

2005-08-01T23:52:00.000-04:00

yeah, seriously, this is the cutest baby in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!! not to mention, you know MY niece has GOT to be playing with letters!!!

2005-08-01T23:49:00.000-04:00

Happy First Birthday (sorta--one month late) to the best and cutest baby in the entire wide world--and NO, i am not biased!!

God, give her peace.

2005-07-28T11:24:00.000-04:00

Marie Smith

Marie of Highland Mills an Office Manager of Printing Companies and a 6 month resident of the area died, July 19, 2005 at her home. She was 58 years of age. The daughter of the late Thomas Mannion and Margaret Greason she was born on Mary 5, 1947 in Manhattan, NY. Marie was a member of the Junior June Taylor Dancers. Marie was a warm hearted woman who was easy with a laugh and generous with her time. Marie is survived by her son Jason Maass and his wife Kelli, her former husband Jerry Maass of Bronx, NY, her brothers Spencer Mannion of Ogdensburg, New Jersey and Mark Mannion of Bronx, NY. Her cousins Irene Shine of New Milford, NJ and Nancy Schuh of Ridgewood, NJ and her dear friend Patricia Cox of Bergenfield, NJ. Marie is also survived by several nieces and nephews. Visitation will be held on Thursday, July 21, 2005 from 7-9 PM and Friday, July 22, 2005 from 9-9:45 AM at Flynn Funeral & Cremation Memorial Centers, 139 Stage Road, Monroe, NY. A Funeral Mass will be offered on Friday, July 22, 2005 at 10:00 at the Chapel of the Sacred Heart, Stage Road, Monroe, NY, with the Fr. Jeffrey Maurer officiating. Cremation will occur at Oxford Hills Crematory, Inc., Chester, NY. Memorial contributions in Marie's name to Gilda's Club Worldwide, 322 Eight Avenue, Suite 1402, New York, NY 10001 would be appreciated. Funeral arrangements have been entrusted to Flynn Funeral & Cremation Memorial Centers, 139 Stage Road, Monroe, New York 10950. Thomas F. Flynn, Director. Published in The Record and Herald News on 7/21/2005.
Guest Book • Flowers • Gift Shop • Charities

Girls i think are hot

2005-07-17T10:21:00.000-04:00

okay, so i am not gay--but i think there are a few female celebs out there that are unbelievably HOT! thought i'd write about 'em and see if people agree, disagree or are neutral, yet still feel a desire to post something!

1. Maggie Gyllenhall--something about her is just so amazingly sexy! and i haven't even seen Secretary yet!!

2. Sara Rue--cute and pretty and sexy. See this month's JANE page 135

3. Angelina Jolie--DUH!

4. Melissa Ferrick--a singer i love, she is this little thing with a voice that is BOOMING!! very sexy when she plays her guitar--then again, i have always been a sucker for guitar players!

5. Kate Winslet--incredibly hot and sexy!! something very intruiging about her!

if i think of more, i will add them. I am not afraid of my own sexuality, so i don't mind writing this!

added 8/12/05:
Nicole Michaelson: yeah, she isn't famous, but DAMN she is fine!!! (www.myspace.com/nixiemarie)

cookies

2005-07-15T22:36:00.000-04:00

so, to take my mind of the impending sadness in my home, i decided to make cookies. I made cake mix cookies--using Yellow cake mix, veg oil, eggs, water, and chips. the mix tasted yucky sweet. the cookies themselves, yummy!!

(yeah, sucky blog post, i know. i just felt like i should write something--come back to me after i finish this glass--bottle?--of wine. maybe i'll have something better to say. or then again, maybe not.)

THE LIST

2005-07-12T12:43:00.000-04:00

so, there was this Friends episode where Ross and Rachel make up their lists of celebrities that they are allowed to sleep with. My husband and I have lists like that. While i am sure that we will not be having "relations" with these people--or any other for that matter---it is still fun to be "allowed" to openly lust for other men (and women, in his case)

I now present to you my list.

KELLI'S LIST
1. Jeremy Piven
2. Chris Meloni
3. Bo Bice
4. Kevin James
5. Zach Braff

I have been asked to remove my husband's list.

yeah, yeah, i have weird tastes in men. I don't care.

2005-07-07T17:59:00.000-04:00

R.I.P Scott Kornfield

Scott Kornfield was killed in Colorado on Memorial Day 2005. (for more information, please go to http://www.triathletemag.com/story.cfm?story_id=9976&pageID=1728)

I went to Camp Spofford in Spofford, NH every summer for nearly 16 years of my life. I had the privilege of knowing Scott for about 10 of those years. He was a good friend to me and to many other Spoffordites. While I have not spoken to Scott in many years, I am devasted by this loss.

He and I were the same age. Like me, he was a newlywed and a big sibling (I am a big sister to Jamie and he was a big brother to Todd). We weren't friends at first--in fact, he was the first boy I ever punched--but we became friends, once I got over my incessant crush on him, and he realized I wasn't all that bad :)

R.I.P Scott. You will be missed on earth and loved in heaven, of this I am sure. Please remember Scott's wife, his mom and dad and his brother in your thoughts and prayers.

Happy Birthday America

2005-07-04T18:44:00.000-04:00

Please, if you have a minute, take one to think of and pray for those brave soliders fighting for and protecting the very things that make this country so incredible. Specifically, i want to send a prayer out for Matthew Peck and Johnny Bell. God bless them and all of the soliders fighting alongside them. God bless America.

2005-07-03T13:04:00.000-04:00

stupid link--why on earth would a place ask you to post their survey on your blog and then not even have the stupid cut and paste link work properly?? AAARRRGGGHHHHH!! i mean, they are freakin MIT!!

2005-06-29T20:24:00.000-04:00

i have this weird "crush" thing on Bob Saget. i just thought this pic was great!
this pic is courtesy of http://gorillamask.net/gma050406.shtml

stupid hotness

2005-06-13T16:42:00.000-04:00

okay, so i know that it's hot, right? and i know that no one likes the heat--BUT i think i hate it more than most. please allow me to explain:

in NYC, it is close to 100 degrees. i am a teacher. i work in a high school with NO AIR CONDITIONING!! this is obviously a problem, but let me tell you WHY this is a problem.

1. on the news, every weatherperson and newscaster points out how hot it is and says "be sure to stay inside in air conditioning" or something to that effect. Even the freakin' mayor will say stuff like that when it gets hot enough in NYC. yet, i do not get to do this, for my school SUCKS! many other schools suck too.

2. if i worked in an animal shelter and tempatures inside the shelter reached to 100 plus degrees like they do in my classroom, people would totally freaked out. yet, it is perfectly okay for children to suffer worse than unwanted animals?

3. i work in a vocational school. we have certification available in auto repair, carpentry, plumbing and something called HVAC--that stands for Heating, Ventilation and --get ready for this--AIR CONDITIONING!! That's right, i work in a school that can create and fix air conditioners, yet we can't get it in our building!!

How is it that schools--probably the most important places in America--cannot provide its students with proper, humane conditions to work in? AAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

I've been book tagged by Bryna!

2005-05-28T10:31:00.000-04:00

I've Been Book Tagged!

I was "book tagged" by Bryna. What is book tagging you ask? basically it is a literary chain letter . You have to answer the 4 questions given and then "tag" 5 other bloggers.

Here are the questions, along with my answers:

1. Total number of books you've owned: Oh boy, oh boy! Where do i begin? well, books are my life--have been since i was 2 years old--thats when i started reading. I am a natural born speed reader as well. i cannot read slowly, i always read fast--I DO NOT SKIM! i just read very fast. i can finish a 350 page novel in about 2 hours. (what is that, like 3 pages a minute?). so since i read fast and i read all the time, i own lots and lots of books. Add to that, the fact that I am an English teacher and my book count has got to be in the possible high thousands.

2. Last Book I Bought: Well, since i read the way i do, buying books has gotten to be silly. i usually read the book in the store or buy it and return it the next day. B & N has become my library--that is so dishonest, i know! So, since it has been awhile since i have bought a book, the last book(s) i checked out of the library (the real one) have been all of Carl Hiassen's books--i am love with him right now!

3. Last Book I Read: Carl Hiassen's Stormy Weather and a book about death from Hospice.

4. 5 Books That Mean Something To Me:

A. Like Water for Chocolate--drives me to tears everytime.
B. The Stand (uncut)--this is an incredible novel. I try to read it once a year. it takes me about 4 days. The characters are just so real!
C. Of Mice and Men--i teach it in school to my 11th graders. i have taught it for 5 years--you would think i would be prepared for the final scene. nope, i get choked up each time.
D. Any of my fun reference books--it is premature, but they mean a lot to me because, someday, when I get on Jeopardy, i will need that knowledge (not like it helped me on millionaire though--stupid reege)
E. Every book i own or will ever own--Books are my life. i read them, i teach them. I try to impress on my students the importance of reading and how a book can change their lives. I have dedicated my life to spreading the joy of reading--so i have to say that all books mean something to me.

TAG--you're it!

1. Caroline
2. Michael
3. Josh
4. Snazzy Kat
5. Alpha

(i need some more blog friends!!)

i am a total dork

2005-05-23T21:50:00.000-04:00

i am a dork. 100 percent, Grade A quality D-O-R-K, DORK! Please, allow me to list the reasons I consider myself a dork:

A. i LOOOOOOOOOOOVE American Idol. I am obsessed with the program--can't get enough of it. I vote MANY times via text message, i watch every extra special clip show, read every magazine article, catch each message board, make signs to hold up in my own living room! I am a DORK!

B. I was in band camp for four years in high school and loved it. 'Nuff said.

C. I enjoy America's Funniest Home Videos. i will watch it whenever it is on.

D. i own Sesame Street videos--i am a 28 year old woman with no children.

E. i love signing up for free stuff on the ivillage message boards. nothing more fun that a free mini stick of deodorant or 4 tampons!!

F. Just ask my husband--he will give you a zillion reasons why i am a dork--yet he married me anyway!

G. i love "smart" board games. Trival Pursuit, Scrabble, Perquacky (it's the Yatzee of letters).

H. i am a lousy drinker. i have been doing it long enough--you'd think i would be good at it by now. Nope--three beer queer, i believe is the title.

CONCLUSION: i am a dork and i am proud of it!

Emails

2005-05-19T23:15:00.000-04:00

why, oh why, am i so bad at emailing people? i mean, it's an email--it certainly doesn't take very long. Every morning, i drive to work and i think--today, today i will catch up on my correspondence (BTW, that is a paraphrase of my FAVORITE lines from Friends--when Rachel was mad at Ross over his stupid benefit dinner). Then, i get to work and just don't do it.

It isn't that i don't use the computer, because believe me, i do. But, after i spend my free period surfing Gawker--which sucks on a Board of Ed computer, because it blocks half the site due to inappropriate content, or some other kind of bullshit (now, i bet i can't even look at my blog on the stupid BOE server!) --and finding cheats for whatever PS2 game i am currently wrapped up in (it's ratchet and clank btw)--there is no time left to email. Thus, i drive home thinking, "damn, another day wasted." (well, not really wasted, i guess. i mean i am shaping the lives of children and all that other bullshit--oops, bad word again!)

anyhow, to those of you whom i owe an email to--it will get to you, i promise. Patrick, Caroline, Janine, Rachel, et al--i know you deserve email and it will get to you soon enough--just don't delete it thinking that it is spam!

Early May 8th thoughts

2005-04-26T22:48:00.000-04:00

i have been blessed with a mother in law that people can only dream about. She is one of my dearest friends. She is funny and smart and caring. She is intelligent and tough. She has cancer and is dying. nothing hurts me more than this. I hate this so much. She has been my mother in law for 8 months. i have only recently begun to call her Mom, and i wish more than anything that i started to do it sooner. She does not have much time left and considering the inevitable is heartbreaking a million times over.

please, if you think about it--pray for her. But, more than this--find your mother, or someone you think about as dearly as a mom and tell her you love her. love her and love her--don't let a day go by without reminding her how special she is. You only get one mom, i was blessed to have two of them.

ex-boyfriends

2005-04-25T09:03:00.000-04:00

what is it about the ex-boyfriend? sometimes they seem to hold this imaginary power over us. like we should never think of them again, yet we do anyway. i have one friend who talks about her ex like it was yesterday and they broke up over 5 years ago. i have another friend who, i think, will spend her life constantly looking to replace the one that "got away." I just wonder if the ex-boyfriends put that much thought into their ex-girlfriends.

i dated a guy in highschool--we'd known each other for years and started dating when i was a junior and he was in college. We loved each other--truly, deeply. Great guy--we broke up just 'cause. he called me when i was in college to tell me that he was getting married. That may truly have been the most heartbreaking moment of my young adult life. the pain was so intense--although i held it together until after the phone call was over. That feeling of "that should have been me" was racing through my brain and my heart.

i never spoke to him again. i wonder about him sometimes. like is he happy? does he have kids? what is his job? i never wonder what if?, or why not?. what i do think of often is if he thinks of me? and i don't know if i would be happier or sadder if i knew the answer was yes.

i am lucky to still speak with one of my exes--one whom i love very very much. and i am glad to say the feeling of "what could have or should have been" is not there--at least i am pretty sure it isn't. He and i can laugh about old stuff now. Yet i still am so intrigued by him--like i need to make sure he stays somehow a part of my life. Is that a bad thing? i mean, should we let them go completely? or is it good if there is still a helathy relationship? i know divorced couples can do it, but isn't their bond stronger than that of "just" a couple that dated? the thing is, with this guy--i wish him nothing but happiness. i wish i could set him up with someone--he is a terrific guy and it pains me to see him not with someone. i have none of the old feelings for him--and that is true in his case also--so it shouldn't be wrong for us to talk. right? question is, how would i feel if my husband was doing this same thing? i'd like to say it would be okay....but i don't know if it would.

2005-04-15T18:59:00.000-04:00

last one of Isabel, honest! She is just so darn cute!

2005-04-15T18:57:00.001-04:00

this is my niece, isabel. it is amazing that i can love a baby this much when she isn't mine. She is 9 months old and is growing so fast! i mean, my clock is ticking so loud i don't know how you people can't hear it out there!!!

2005-04-15T18:57:00.000-04:00

my niece looks drunk--but i am sure she is not....i think i am sure.... :)

2005-04-03T21:58:00.000-04:00

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these are my very bestest friends in the whole wide world! They were in my wedding--WEST MILFORD REPRESENT! From top left counterclockwise:
Rebecca
Bryna
Suzanne
Alpha
me.

2005-04-03T21:56:00.000-04:00

ARRRRRRRR, i'm a pirate!

stole this from my friend's blog: http://www.brynasoutlet.blogspot.com/

2005-04-03T21:06:00.000-04:00

1. What blog, other than your own, do you read the most?

I am new at this, so i don't read too much. i read my friend Bryna's, my friend Alpha's (http://www.brynasoutlet.blogspot.com/) and this new one http://hombreblanco.blogspot.com It is about this guy who teaches in a shitty Bronx high school--not mine. It is written very very well--it would make a super book or movie!

2. Are you a gadget person? Do you have the latest thingamajigs and whoozits and geegaws? What sort of gadgets do you own?

I enjoy gadgets that make my life fun--things that allow an escape from reality. i love my PS2--i love it too much though. i play a game and i lose hours and hours--seriously! like i play a video game for so long, i see it when the game is off. This is why i cannot play Grand Theft Auto, i just know i will run people over with my car!

My husband is into the entertainment gadgets--the surround sound and all that stuff.

3. If I gave you $1000 on the condition that you couldn't spend it on something responsible (e.g., bills), or save it, what would you do with the money?

This is a hard question--because i don't know how i can avoid paying bills--there are so many! i suppose if i had the money though, i would use it to go out to dinner and a show and then rent a hotel room in NYC. these are things i could not imagine doing--so frivolous, ya know. but if i had the money and i couldn't pay bills, then this is what i would like to do.

4. What are your five favorite sitcoms of all time, other than "Seinfeld" and "The Simpsons."

Easy--my favorite sitcoms are the ones that always make me laugh at least once--

Scrubs, King of Queens, Friends, Family Guy, and ...(okay this is not so easy, i don't think i have mroe than four).

5. Organize a film festival based on a theme. Choose a theme and a handful of movies with that theme, and tell us what you've chosen.

The theme would be Movies Made for Tissues:

1. Like Water for Chocolate

2. Chasing Amy

3. Cinema Paradiso

4. Shawshank Redemption

5. Of Mice and Men

If at least three out of these 5 don't produce tears, you are a cold hearted BITCH!

it looks like i got the crap kicked out of me!

2005-04-03T21:03:00.000-04:00

yeah so like a week ago, i had my friends over for good friday. we went to church together--weird weird weird experience! (then again, isn't church usually weird in one way or another?) afterwards, we came back to my house and hung out.While they were here, my friend suzanne, decided to hip check her sister, bryna. Unbeknownst to suzanne, her decision sparked a domino effect--sending bryna into me, sending me into the arm of the futon and causing me a great deal of pain.

what i ended up with that evening was a bruise the size of an island. it is fading, but it is still huge and disgusting. it itches and feels very very strange underneath. i suppose i should get to a doctor, but with what time?

i was going to try to post the pic of my leg, but i could not figure out how to do this. it is probably a good thing anyway--my leg is gross.meanwhile, i gave blood a few days later and my arm has also ended up with an unsightly bruise.

It looks like i shot up or something--what with the obvious needle marks and brusing.Basically i am looking like a drug addict or an abused wife--neither of which i am of course (well, maybe an occasional drug user, but that isn't the same, right?)! (although it is fun asking people if they want to see my bruise!) ( i TOLD you i like the parentheses!)

procrastination

2005-02-26T20:45:00.000-05:00

hey check this out--i'm writing twice in the month of February! Mayeb Black History month is an inspiration? Or maybe i am just procrastinating (thus the title of this entry) from writing the most boring paper of all time.

I have to write a stupid philosophy paper on Immanuel Kant. I am taking these online Master's classes(which i thought would be easy--they are, but...) and i have to write a paper every week. THESE PAPERS SUCK ASS! i mean, a paper every week about a new philsopher on education. What am i going to say that hasn't already be said? AAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!

so i guess i am gonna go write this drivel now--i hate these stupid papers.

here i go again

2005-02-24T16:46:00.000-05:00

well, at this rate, i will write one of these a month--better than none?

so i should be typing a resume right now--i hate where i work. i have been there for 6 years and am burning out. that is never a good sign. teaching is all i can do, i cannot burn out yet!! i am hoping a job in NJ might be available.

Working in the south bronx is not fun at all. one of our kids was killed last week--it was in all the papers. he was the captain of our new football team and was really liked by the kids. i didn't know him--i don't teach freshman, but even i was moved to tears at the wake. There just shouldn't be that many teenagers at a funeral. unfortunetly i am shocked this hasn't happened earlier. Although there was a shooting 5 years ago, but it was on the corner and was not about our kids.

i gotta get out.

so am i doing this right?

2005-01-28T23:32:00.000-05:00

This is totally new for me, but i feel inspired to make this due to the fact that :

a. my friends Bryna and Alpha have blogs
b. i am drunk off a bottle of wine that I got carried away with
c. sometimes, i think writing stuff out to complete strangers (and people i know, if they ever see this) may help my life?

i'm not sure what to write--see, my friends write poetry--which i am not drunk enough to attempt--or about their jobs--which i am not ready to write about, for fear it will sound like bitching ( i am a teacher at a high school--don't you worry, stories will come in time).

So i suppose i can write whatever i feel like. See, i have horrible self-esteem and i fear no one (or everyone) will read this and say ( or not say) , "damn, that girl got herself some issues" ( which would be true--one of them being that i love me some parentheses).

like right now, i am thinking, i am a newlywed--5 months approx--and it is Friday and i am home alone, i am drinkin' some wine and wishing i was out or with my man or something and i just made the hugest run on sentence EVA'! See, in addition to being newly married, i am living in a new home too. and my home is kinda in the middle of nowhere (although i am close to the NYS thruway--which is closer to somewhere than my hometown (which i will get to someday too--see i told you i LOVE me some parentheses!). Anyways....

so i am home by myself, and while that is an okay thing--it might be nice to have some company, ya know?

So in that note, i will end this rambling, parentheses filled blog thing and hope i remember i made it today and write some more later?

if ya read this, thanks. If ya thought it was okay, thanks. If you hated it and thought it was the lamest thing ever--don't tell me. i am fragile!